An Open Letter to the lady & her husband behind my family at Sam's Club

Dear Mr & Mrs Rushed (couple behind a portion of my family at the Sam's club on 135th in OP KS Sat Aug 15 2015:

I wanted to apologize for my very inconsiderate husband. I mean really? He was so rude by paying attention to our kids and not noticing you had only 1 item. Seriously, any normal considerate person would be completely ignoring his children and looking around judging others and would have noticed you had 1 measly item and should have let you go first, even though he had a wife (who had gone out to the van) who wasn't feeling well and wanted to get home. But he should have totally invited you who were in a hurry to complete check out first, even though he was in line for a few minutes before you.....

I also wanted to apologize for my 3yr deciding she wanted to help put things on the belt and climbed to the back of the basket to do so. I really need to have a talk with her, I mean how disrespectful of others feelings for her to want to be HELPFUL..... Clearly she offended you with her wanting to help, we can't have her offending people now can we? While I'm apologizing for 1 child I might as well for the baby who was just sitting in the cart quietly. Now I wasn't there but I know my son, chances are he was staring at you with the most adorable hazel eyes, curly blonde hair and probably even gave you a grin or two. He's such a friendly little guy, I'll have to teach him to cut that out! We can't have kids growing up these days being FRIENDLY now can we? Again I apologize if he offended you with his cute little self. There is no excuse for it, and he's old enough to know better now.

As my rude husband was finishing up checking out which took less then 5min he overheard you Mrs Rushed say to Mr Rushed "Well, at least we didn't get stuck behind someone with kids climbing all over and a full cart of junk". I am so sorry that I was not there to hear that, again please accept my sincerest apologies for his again rude and totally sincere "God Bless You" reply to your comments. Why if I would have been there that unacceptable behavior would have not happened! I would have looked you right in the eyes and nicely suggested you should learn patience, respect and to keep your judging comments to yourself. At the very least. So again, I am sincerly sorry that you had to deal with my rude, inconsiderate husband who wisely just smiled and said "God Bless you".

I understand that saying God bless you might have caused you to feel uncomfortable. That would be my guess as you barked back at him "Yeah you NEED God". Oh my Dear Mrs Rushed, how I wish I would have been there instead of him at that moment. You see? I would have loved to have smiled at you and told you that I DO have God, and you know what? He even Loves YOU.... Even when you are judgmental and impatient.

But, that didn't end your clearly distressing encounter with a portion of my family. You felt the urge to chase my husband and children out of the store and begin scolding him, yelling at him (hey I thought you were in a hurry?) What can I say here? My husband was minding his own business when you approached him. Thank you for setting my husband straight. He truly needed your little pep talk about what it is to be a Christian and that means letting people with 1 item go in front of you (even if you have a wife not feeling well waiting to return home) if you have more then 1 item. I think you truly shook him up and rightfully so! I would have been too had some complete stranger ran up to me and started yelling at me saying "You Christians are all alike, you act like you are all good and everything and yet you are not curtious to other people. My husband had 1 item ONE item! You should have let him go in front of you."


My Dear Mrs Rushed, I can not say enough how SORRY I am that my family, our children, my husband and and I caring for our children caused you to be uncomfortable. You see we ARE Christians, and the fact that my husband didn't invite you to rush in front of him was not in attempt to be rude, it was an oversight. You see he never noticed how many items you did or didn't have. He was focused on the task at hand and had he noticed I'm sure he would have invited you to move ahead. I am sorry if his "God Bless You" was offensive to you, we truly pray that God DOES Bless you, I pray that he blesses you with patience, love, and peace. That you will know the true blessing that children (who seemed to be a huge inconvenience for you) are. The bible says they are a gift from him and we feel our children ARE a gift from God. I realize that chances are your behavior yesterday wasn't typical of you, maybe something has happened in your life to cause you severe distress and yesterdays situation may have added to it. Again I apologize, we did not mean to antaganize or make your day worse. My husband was NOT trying to be Snarky when he wished God Bless You.

So should you come across this letter, please know that we are praying for you and your family. We have no malice towards you. We hope that should our paths cross again that our family will be a little less distressing for you.

Again, God Bless YOU.

With Love,
The Mollett Family

This picture is a year old..

Keeping things appropriate online.

Recently my husband came home from work and told me about something that happened at work. When he was done with his story he said "Don't say anything about it on facebook". I nodded and said "of course not", now normally my husband does not tell me what I can and can't post on facebook so this is not in regards to him. But it got me thinking, I see people post things on facebook that some people may say is "in-appropriate". Of course often times the comments come in, depending on the post it could be people agreeing with the poster in their opinion or view, offering consoling words (sorry your going through that) and often there is at least 1 person that "lovingly" lets that person know that what they just posted is "in-appropriate".

Now I'm not here to debate what is and is not appropriate, I agree there are certain things that should not be posted online, and I will admit I have been guilty more then once of posting something that maybe I should have kept to myself. Unless it is a minor posting something that could lead them into trouble (location, in-appropriate images, bullying others etc), something illegal or something that can physically hurt someone else or put that person in danger, I'm not going to say anything to that original poster.

Here's the thing, I am an emotional person. No I mean VERY emotional, one of my gifts is serving others. In that I need to be needed and loved. I thrive on being needed, even if it sometimes stresses me out. One of the reasons I LOVE being a mommy! I have 3 little ones (and a hubby) that NEED me on a daily basis. By helping, it is my way of showing them I love them. On the flip side, I also often feel very rejected when people aren't willing to help when I need it. Be that in some physical manner or even mentally. I wear my heart on my sleeve. It's who I am, I am from a large family. I am used to having a huge family that does things together and has large family get together a few times a year. It's the way I grew up, it's what I love and something I plan on passing down to my children.

Over the years as my siblings and I have grown up, created our own lives and a few family members now living out of town. We have drifted apart, it's not so easy to get the whole family together. Often times there are "last minute" get together's where part of the family gets together and enjoys some time. It makes it hard to get everyone involved. Getting the entire family in one place often takes a lot of planning and coordination of at least 2 to 3 people. I tend to be a follower so typically I'm like "Just tell me when and were" and that is just fine with me. Over the years I've had to learn that even if most of the family gathers and I was not invited due to the suddenness of the planning and no-one thought about letting me know (assuming someone else had), I've had to learn not to let that effect me and hurt my feelings. Does it mean it doesn't hurt my feelings? No it doesn't, I'm sensitive so sometimes I see pictures on facebook and think "why wasn't I invited" not going to lie. A couple of years ago I would burst into tears every time it happened. It's who I am, I am an emotional person.

However this post is not about that at all. I'm just explaining where I come from in this next line of thinking. I think often times the "in-appropriate" posts I'm referring to are often posted out of hurt. Have you noticed that? I see it almost every day, someone says something like "I'm so over this! You know who you are! Next time I see you it's going down!" Some may include much more detail, some might give less details so what is that post really about? It's about the poster feeling hurt or violated. Often times it's hard to think about what is appropriate or not. Will the poster regret it later on? Possibly, maybe not. Will it offend someone and burn bridges? Maybe, maybe not. Could the post cause them to loose their job? Certainly. I'm not debating that, here's my point of this rather long post. It doesn't matter if it's appropriate or not, period. See it doesn't matter if someone posts something that I don't agree with (if its in regards to myself that's one thing). It's none of my business if someone is having a bad day at work and wants to vent about it online. Is it a wise idea? Probably not, but that's not my call. It's also not appropriate for me to call that person out on if their post is appropriate or not especially on their original post. If you REALLY feel you MUST say something to a person about if their post is appropriate or not you need to do it in private not for the world (that you didn't feel should see) to see.

Going back to the story of my husband saying "Don't say anything about it on facebook" is one more thing. I hear a lot of people telling other people not to post something on facebook. I personally am one that gets that a lot. We will be having a normal conversation, maybe about someones health or whatever and in the middle of the conversation someone will look at me and say "don't post that on facebook". Personally, I find that in-appropriate. I'm a grown woman, and while I may sometimes wear my heart on facebook and air my frustrations and hurts in an in-appropriate way that I might regret (the regret is mine to have). I am not so stupid that I will post something like that.

What I'm trying to say in this post is that please people have some compassion on the person that posted something in-appropriate. If they are doing it out of hurt you are only contributing to that hurt by "policing" their post. Especially if you call them out in public, it's hurtful and disrespectful and in-appropriate. If you don't like what someone posts don't read it or just move on. If you feel like that same person is always posting things that are in-appropriate you can always un-friend them. But please stop policing other people's posts and treating them as children (unless they really ARE children).

Just my two cents.

Our little Samson

I haven't really blogged a lot about my pregnancy with Samson, I blogged about the Zofran pump I had for awhile to help combat the severe nausea and food aversion with vomiting (although not as bad as some people). I had lost about 9lbs in a month around week 14 of the pregnancy due to not being able to eat. I had the zofran pump for a few weeks (don't remember for sure how long) and was finally weened off it.

The rest of the pregnancy for a few weeks after that was pretty uneventful, then my blood pressure issues that I had with our first child started creeping in again. I started having some slightly elevated numbers at the Dr's office and was soon taking my blood pressure at home and keeping a log of them to show the Dr. Something I had with this pregnancy I didn't have with the others was the severe low back/hip pain and that pain would shoot down my left leg making it very hard to walk. This started around week 27, we got me one of those pregnancy belts to help support my belly and back. During the entire pregnancy I kept saying I thought he was going to be my biggest baby yet. My belly got bigger quicker and I could feel him moving around like crazy! Even the sono techs kept commenting on how wiggly he was while trying to get his measurements.

At week 20 we had our sonogram that told us he was a boy, we quickly decided on his name Samson. We wanted a bible name with a good meaning and one that was not very common. Samson means "like the Sun". Some translations say "HIS Son" like the Son of God. It is a Hebrew name, when we saw it popped up on a list of male bible names I started thinking about the Story of Samson, how he was a man of great strength. He was favored by God, yet he was also human and made mistakes. He paid for those mistakes, but in the end God granted him mercy in his final act of life. To me it's always been a great story in the bible but never anything really special. But the more I thought about it the more I realized how much I loved the idea of naming our son Samson. At the 20wk sonogram he was measuring almost a week bigger then his due date. Dr commented he was going to be a "big baby".

As we continued to grow his movements were getting stronger, at times it felt like he was going to burst out of my stomach! One of our favorite things to do as a family was for me to place my cell phone on my expanding tummy and watch Samson kick it! Even the slightest pressure on my stomach would cause him to react by pushing back or kicking. The kids got a kick out of watching my phone bounce on my belly and sometimes sliding off cause he had kicked it so hard.

As I continued to grow the discomfort of walking and the blood pressure issues got worse. We decided it might be a good idea to get a day care lined up for the 2 other kids in case I ended up on bed rest. We did that just in time, at wk 33 I ended up having a bad day, wasn't feeling good and was having issues with my blood pressure. I was advised by the Dr on call with my OBGYN's office to go to the hospital for some monitoring. While there of course by the time I got there the BP issues were a little more under control however while they had me on the baby monitors I started having regular contractions. I'd been having "braxton hicks" for a few weeks but nothing real strong or regular. These contractions were pretty strong and were coming every 2-3min. The nurse called the Dr on call and informed her of what was going on, it was decided to keep me over night and begin me on a course of medications. I was given IV antibiotics because they had not yet done my strep b test they do before the baby is born and so they were treating me for it just in case I continued into labor. They also gave me medication to stop the contractions, this medication also lowers blood pressure so it was a win/win. They also gave me steroid shots to help Samson's lungs develop quicker just in case they couldn't stop the labor. I spent a few nights in the hospital as a result of the monitoring and the shots needed to be 24hrs apart. They did some testing and eventually the labor stopped and I was allowed to go home but was now as predicted I was on bed rest. I was told that after week 34 they would not try to stop labor should I go into labor again so I needed to make sure I took it easy to keep from going into labor early. The Dr gave me a goal of reaching at least 36wks.

The kids began going to daycare that following work week, Casey would get up early, get the kids ready and drop them off at daycare before heading to work and I was left alone all day. This went on for about 2 weeks, I don't care for the super quiet house and I miss my little kiddo's terribly. Most mornings I would cry as they would leave because Eli would be crying for mommy and didn't want to leave me.

A week after the pre-term labor began I started having the blood pressure issues again, I felt really bad and my chest was starting to hurt and the antacids weren't helping at all like they had before. I also had a severe headache and black spots in my vision (a sign of pre-eclampsia) Again I was sent to the hospital for observation. Due to the headache and the chest pain they kept me over night again and tried to resolve the issues. They gave me a strange antacid mixture that I drank that was supposed to help and all it did was numb my mouth and made the pain worse and upset my stomach. The Dr then ordered a sonogram of several of my organs. The big concern was my liver, this was the most un-fun sonogram I've ever had. Due to being pregnant the tech had to push super hard to see around my growing uterus and left bruises along my rib cage. She checked liver, spleen, and gall bladder (that I know of). Everything checked out, next up was they sent a neurologist in to see me for the headache. I knew this was not a typical migraine headache and after talking with me he agreed. He did say he thought it was a rebound headache from taking Tylenol every day for the last few weeks for the back pain. Later that day I was released from the hospital, that was a Saturday (before mothers day). I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep but couldn't from all the discomfort.

A few days later (Weds morning) at 35 wks & 3 days I had not been able to sleep all night the night before. My back was hurting so bad, it would ache bad but then every few minutes it would get worse and shoot pain down my leg. I began trying comfort measures. Tylenol, heat pad, stretching etc. Finally I googled to see if there was something else I could try to relieve the pain. I read one of the things to try is to get on all fours and alternate between rounding my back and arching my back. I started doing that and began to notice every time I would round my back I would feel something "leaking" I decided maybe I should stop doing those and since it was 4:30 in the morning and I didn't want to wake Casey (he gets up at 6am) and I wasn't in labor I would wait till he woke up to discuss what we should do. We decided I should call the Dr on call, at first the Dr on call wasn't to worried about the back pain, but when I told him about the leaking he got concerned. He told me to go to the hospital just to make sure I wasn't in labor. I said I wasn't having contractions and it didn't feel like labor but would do it to make sure. Casey dropped me off at the hospital which happened to be on the way for the most part to the kids daycare. I really expected to be observed for a couple of hours and sent home.

I arrived at the hospital around 6:45am, they take me and hook me up to the monitors. They checked my cervix to see if I was dilated past the 1 they had gotten a couple of weeks back. She said I was still at a 1 but when they did the swab to see if the "leaking" was aminonic fluid the nurse goes "Well, your ruptured. You are having a baby!" I was a little shocked, she called the Dr and they began the admit process. Over the next couple of hours I didn't progress at all. No contractions but I continued to loose fluid, Dr didn't want to take a chance in me loosing all my fluid and having labor delay to long (for the babies safety) so they started me on the induction drugs to get labor moving. This was the slowest labor ever for me, normally the drugs work well with me but this time it didn't. Contractions did start but I wasn't dilating. After several more hours the nurse tells the Dr she can still feel a full bag of waters when she checks me. I was worried they were going to stop all meds and send me home at that time, they didn't. Dr came in and broke my water. He said chances are Samson's head was blocking it and not allowing all the fluid to flow out. Labor continued to progress slowly which is odd for me at that point. Finally late in the afternoon they tell me I'm dilated to a 4 and things should move a little quicker. This was around 5 or so in the after noon, meanwhile Casey had gone to daycare to pick up the kids and bring them home where Grandma met him to watch them for the rest of my labor. Around 7pm I started feeling some pressure, I asked the nurse if she was going to check me soon since they had been checking about every 2hrs. She said she would around 7:30, they were busy so it ended up being a little after 8 before she came back in. I was just about to push the call button and tell them to check me NOW cause I could feel like we were close to crowing due to the pressure. She came in and checked me and was like "Oh! There he is! We are fully dilated and ready to go!" Thankfully my Dr was IN the hospital already as she was on call just on another floor. They called her and she was there in minutes, due to the fact Samson was early they needed to have a NICU team in the room when he was delivered. We had to wait a couple more minutes for them to show up, as my Dr was getting her robe/mask/gloves on she looks down and goes "Oh my! He's crowing!" she puts one hand down on his head and says "Slow down little guy I don't have both gloves on yet!" The nurse rushes over with another glove and puts it on her hand for her. Dr said "Ok, so his head is already out to his ears. Are you ready to push?" I was like "Now? Don't I need to wait for a contraction?" she said "no, just give a little push really just sneeze and he will be out" So I gave a little grunt. Seriously they said my "delivery" was just 30 seconds. Dr said "Ok you can stop pushing" I hadn't even really begun to push and he was out!

His color was great, already pink by the time they placed him on my chest, he was so tiny. The NICU staff moved in to check on him while I'm saying hi and he was looking at me. They left him on my chest as long as they could before needing to take him over to the warmer and clear his lungs of fluid. They brought him back long enough for me to hold him for a few minutes and taking a picture of Casey, Samson and I. Finally they said they needed to take him up to the NICU because he needed to be on the c-pap machine for a couple of hours. Casey went with them to see where he was going and to find out all the stats.

Samson Chad Mollett was born 5/14/14 at 8:18pm, originally the NICU staff yelled out to Casey "5.4" I don't know if they just had the wrong weight that first time (happened with Willa) or if that wasn't the weight like he thought it was. I didn't find out till he had come home with his admit info that his weight was actually 4lbs 9oz! He was 18 1/2in long.

Samson spent 4 days in the NICU for observation, he did great and was off the c-pap in just a couple of hours. Over the course of the 4 days he continued to improve and was soon nursing on his own, the only time they fed him via the ng tube was at night when I couldn't be there to nurse him after I was released from the hospital. The night before he was thought to be going home they said I either needed to room in the hospital so I could come nurse him every few hours or he needed to be allowed to take from a bottle. I said to let him take from a bottle. They told me the next morning he didn't seem to care for the bottle much and we did well nursing in the morning. Samson came home Sunday May 18 with instructions for me to follow up with his Dr on Tues to check his jaundice levels and weight.

Tues May 20th we went to the Dr for his check up. His weight was up to 4.14! Which the Dr was VERY pleased about! Said that he only expects a 2-3oz gain over 2 days and he almost doubled that! Said clearly he was eating well and we were doing awesome at home. I love our little guy! He's since slowed down his eating and only eating every few hours instead of ever hour and has been spending more time awake during the day.

Here are some pictures from the hospital. :)

Seeing each other for the first time.

All three before going up to NICU

Early the next morning, doing great already!

Home just 4 days later! Big brother and sister LOVE him!

Such a proud big sister! She loves him so!

The wonders of the Zofran Pump

This is my 3rd pregnancy, with all of them including this one I had severe nausea with some vomiting. This time around seems to be worse then the other two. My 2nd pregnancy I only gained 11lbs total during the entire pregnancy and my first child was even less. This time around the nausea has been way more severe and lasted longer into the day. In the past 2 pregnancies the nausea would go away late evening and I could at least eat. With my daughter (2nd) I was able to go about a week or so between really bad days with vomiting. This one, not so much. I would be lucky to have 1 good day a week, for me the vomiting wasn't as often as I've read other people with a diagnoses of Hyperemesis has had but the nausea was enough to keep me from eating and drinking fluids. I wanted to blog this in hopes that if someone was looking for info on the Zofran pump that this blog would put some minds at ease.

Like most people in this Internet age when my Dr recommended the Zofran Pump I came right home and googled it. I was in the process of looking through websites when the nurse from Alere called me to get the process started. Not gonna lie, what I found on my searches did more scaring me then putting my mind at ease. Even though the nurse said that the needle wasn't very big and you barely feel it the pictures I found were not so convincing, I think the needles looked larger then they really were because there was nothing in the picture to compare it with. I will be posting pictures of everything as well. So here has been MY experience with the Zofran pump.

Before the pump came into the picture I was taking 3 different medications, an oral zofran, dicglis, and compazine. The dicglis is a combo of unisom/vit b6 and benidryl, it was developed FOR pregnancy related nausea/vomiting. The directions to start were to take 2 at bedtime and if after a couple of days the nausea was still lingering to slowly increase the dosage to 4 pills a day. 1 in the AM, 1 in the afternoon and 2 at bedtime. While I noticed a decrease I was still having severe nausea with vomiting days. The Zofran was "as needed" 1 pill every 8hrs, same with the compazine. I ended up alternating between those two every 4hrs (I was told I could do that) while taking the full 4 pills of dicglis a day. The down side besides the fact that even taking 8-9 pills a day JUST for the nausea and it wasn't controlled enough was the fact it made me VERY VERY Sleepy..... We're talking I could almost fall asleep sitting in a chair and I don't fall asleep easily. It made staying home alone with my 3yr old (boy) and 2yr old (daughter) very difficult. Most evenings once my husband got home was spent with me either laying on the couch in a sleepy haze or even giving up the fight and going to bed leaving the family alone which I hated to do. After loosing about 9lbs in a month and my confiding in my Dr that my nausea was still not controlled she recommended the Zofran pump.

I LOVE this Dr, she is quick to suggest something for the nausea and has tried many things to help, when she told me about the pump I was a little hesitant. I mean come on a pump sounds so scary! Maybe that is because my father is diabetic and he is on an insulin pump so I already had a clue where this thing was attaching too! So I started asking questions, now I don't know if my Dr was just trying to make me feel better or if she really doesn't know the specs on it but she insisted NO NEEDLES! Yet she said "It just kinda sticks there" I knew better and the thought of stabbing myself in my belly well it was not a pleasant idea for someone who HATES needles. She also recommended home hydration therapy because I mentioned I suspected I was becoming dehydrated. We ended up NOT going that route due to the fact I would be hooked up to an IV bag for possibly up to 3 days and well a large needle in the arm alone with 2 toddlers just doesn't seem wise to me. Not to mention my veins tend to kick an IV needle out after a few hours on it's own. I opted to go to the hospital for an IV treatment and spent some good quality time with my best friend who was kind enough to drive me and stay with me for the 6hrs I was there.

I will admit here, I was SO nervous about the pump that I delayed a WEEK! The nurses at Alere actually gave up trying to get me to schedule and had canceled the order after telling my Dr's office I wasn't scheduling it. To be fair I was hoping the 3rd medication would kick in and had told them I wanted to wait a week. Well since the 3 medications were not helping enough I decided to give it a try. I called up Alere at 4pm on a FRIDAY.... I wasn't expecting to get scheduled till at LEAST Monday, well the scheduler said "Let me check with the nurse but we MIGHT be able to get you in tonight, if not tomorrow some time" I was floored! Ok so not ready emotionally! Which was probably a good thing. The nurse had to order the medications and she called and said she would be here around 8:30pm, perfect timing for getting the kiddo's to bed and having peace while doing it. The nurse shows up with a BUNCH of stuff..... She informs me that because it takes a few days for the full effects of the medication to get into my system they like to start off with a shot (in the butt!!) of Zofran to help out. I wasn't expecting that, I mean come on. I barely know you for 5min and you want me to drop my drawers with my husband looking on at that??? Ok so it wasn't so bad, just more of rolling the waist band down a little but you know the feeling. So she gives me the shot which didn't hurt..... Till like 10min later when the site starts burning which all in all I've had worse shots in the area then that.

We go over the whole process, which I will include a summary of with the pictures. She pulls out this HUGE book (will post pictures) I think it will tell me EVERYTHING I need to know about my pump and then some. We went through a lot of paper work, they even gave me a helpful holiday safety sheet including toys not safe for infants/toddlers since it's around the holidays. How thoughtful? I have not even glanced at that sheet cause you know I'm in expert in parenting..... (HA).

Finally the time came to get hooked up *deep breath*. The nurse starts going over the pump and how to load the medication syringe etc.

The pump with the syringe attached and in use.

 Finally comes the needle prick, before we get into that let me explain how this pump works. The pump is while not huge but not tiny sits in a pouch, I like to wear it around my waist during the day like a fanny pack. I would say its about the size of a large TV/Cable remote control.

I wear a long shirt and often a sweater and cover it up so the kids don't notice it and want to pull on it. The medication is loaded in a syringe hooked to the pump, the dosage is set by the nurses. At this time I'm getting 0.420ml I believe it's an hour, I am allowed 2 "demand" doses a day which increase the medication to a full 1.00 ml an hour (pretty much it pumps the the dosage amount every 12min instead of every hour till it hits the 1.00 ml then goes back to the normal dosage once an hour. (Actually I believe its some what continuous but comes out to 0.420ml every hour). *edit* I am now getting 0.500ml/hr now. The syringe is loaded with 10ml so mine lasts me between 20-22hrs or so. Out of the syringe comes a very small tube (catheter) which goes into your belly. It is very small, the needle is only used to set the catheter initially and is removed once set. The needle is used to guide the catheter into place in the fatty part of your tummy which if your like me you have plenty. One of the plus sides of um being a plus size..... Like how I did that there?

Syringe attached to the tube and catheter.

The tube & the catheter separated from the syringe. The catheter (round piece with brown tape around it) is flexible and is what stays in your belly after the needle is removed. The needle is actually originally INSIDE the catheter and the removed leaving just the catheter.

So you connect the syringe to the pump, the catheter to the syringe and your ready for the needle. Of course you swab your area, nurse recommends pinching up a large amount of fat to make it easier. At this point the needle is not connected to the catheter.

Needle with the clear hand grips around it, the other one is the catheter with the tape that is waterproof and attaches to your belly.

 

It will be, it has a small catheter that is left inside and you connect the two once it's set.

The needle and catheter together. The swab the picture to show size comparison.

So the nurse directs me to take this needle and going straight in she says it's normally easier and less painful to do it really quick.

Back of the needle, the middle plastic part is to hold on to in order to insert, the two tabs on the outside you pinch to remove the needle from the catheter.

 
So she starts to count me down, 1....2.... STAB it's in, no hesitation on my part (which surprises even me). She kinda blinks, looks at me as I smile and go "hey that didn't hurt!" she kinda blinks at me a couple of times and goes "wow, you did that REALLY well". I think even my husband was surprised. So really, if you get nothing from this post get this, it really does not hurt! I have since changed the site once and I felt it even less the 2nd time. I could feel a small prick in my skin, almost like a zit popping but that was it. You can kind of feel the needle while it's in especially if you push on it like I did by mistake the 2nd time around but once you take the needle out which is as soon as you get the catheter set your good. Surrounding the catheter to hold it in place is a round sticky water proof tape that is heat activated. Once you set the needle and catheter you rub the tape around and around she said for about 15 seconds to make sure it's sealed, then you take the needle out snap the tubing from the syringe to the catheter and start up your machine! That's it your done and ready to feel better!

So here were some of my fears both before and after I had read things online about the pump.

1. Duh the needle, I mean who likes those things?
Conclusion: It doesn't hurt, you barely feel it and if it makes me feel better it's worth the stick every 48hrs or so. Which I forgot to mention you change the infusion site as directed (in my case no more then 48hrs) to avoid irritating the site to much. Which brings me to number 2.

2. I had read and seen online where people get these really angry red welts... One picture I saw the lady had a ring of welts all around her belly button from her infusion sites! Not gonna lie, looks/sounds scary!
Conclusion: So far I have had minimal soreness at the infusion site. That could be cause I'm on a lower dose at the moment but they told me I could change the site as often as I needed to if it starts to become to sore. The infusion site really was only sore when I would engage those abdominal muscles in that area (sitting up from laying down etc). The area after removing the catheter is barely red and not as sore once removing it and I expect that to be gone in a day or two. I have since moved my infusion site a tad higher, I think I will try and maintain a little lower site from now on, this one seems more sore and is not in as much of a fatty area. But still is not enough to make me want to stop the pump.

3. My kids (again 2 and 3) who are still very much (especially the 2yr old) clingy and wanting to sit in my lap through out the day. My concern is they would pull on me/machine and possibly pull the catheter our or cause me pain or both.
Conclusion: I've had the pump in a full 2 days now and they have minimal interest in the thing, most of the time I wear it around my waist under a shirt or two. I tuck the excess tubing in my pants pocket to avoid something dangling to tempt them. There have been a few times I've had it slung on my shoulder instead (like right before bed) and they have seen it. Both kids when they were like "oohhhh whats that?" I just explained that it gives Mommy medicine and they shouldn't touch it because it's giving mommy a shot. After that they tend to leave it alone. They know mommy has not been feeling good so I think they have just kinda took that as part of making mommy feel better and its best to leave it alone.

4. Sleeping with the pump would be uncomfortable and keep me awake.
Conclusion: The only real complaint about it is that it IS attached. I have a pregnancy body pillow, when I'm laying on that side (right side) it's in the middle of the bed and I just slide the machine under the pillow. When I roll over to my left side (I often start our on my right side) I grab the machine and take it with me as I roll and place it on the bedside table. I almost ALWAYS wake up to roll over and often times by the time I'm ready to roll back to the right side I need to get up and pee first so I just repeat the process. I actually don't really feel the site even if I lay half on my stomach.

5. The fear of the un-known.
Conclusion: You never know till you try.

So my final thoughts on this machine (parts other blogs have left out) is that I am so glad I got over my fear and did this. While at this point very early on the nausea is not 100% it is about 1000% better and I'm sure over the course of the next few days they will adjust my dosage to help with that. This pump is nothing to be scared of!

All the new supplies needed to get started. The needle/catheter and tube in the package , the full syringe and a swab.

Since this post has gotten so long as it is, I will post another post regarding my daily routine with the pump. So stay tuned! If you have stumbled across this post in search for info or to calm to nerves regarding this treatment if you are as miserable as I am and looking for ways to avoid this pump please at least meet with the nurses and try it! If you can't stand it you can discontinue the use! I wish I hadn't waited a week, I am really glad I have this pump as I have felt better in the last 2 days then I have since before I found out I was pregnant. I have been eating almost normally and drinking fluids a lot more which has meant no more hydration therapy needed! At least give the wonderful nurses at Alere (who REALLY know what they are doing) a chance to convince you and bring it all out to your house.

Since I wanted to take my time and take pictures, the pictures of the open supplies (syringe, needle, catheter and tubing) were all of used supplies that I was about to trash. I forgot to take a picture of my "bio hazard" container for the needles. Basically they provide you with a sticker and instruct you to use a hard plastic container with a twist on lid. We happened to have an empty animal crackers from Sam's club container still and figured that should be good enough. They also recommended a used plastic Gatorade bottle. The needle goes in the container and the other stuff in the trash. Probably not recommend to use an old needle like I did but I was careful. :)

A lesson from our Kids.

The bible says we are all born into sin, Psalms 51:5 - "Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me."

But the bible also says,  "And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 18:3

This morning as I was getting the kids ready for another exciting day here at home, Willa did something that really touched me and made me think. Now this is what plays out on a daily basis, it's not that it's never happened because it does all the time. Just this morning I was struck with thoughts that went through my mind. For those of you who don't know us and stumble on this blog you should know that Eli our oldest is 3yrs old. Willa will be 2 next week, they are very close in age (just shy of 17mo apart). Before getting the kids up I had gone down and started dinner in the crock pot and fixed their cups of milk. I had gotten Eli up first as I normally do and took off his diaper and had him put on his underwear. (Still not night time potty trained). He then followed me into Willa's room like he normally does, still holding his underwear. I got her up and changed and set her on the floor. Willa ran down the hall and stairs as Eli was putting his underwear on at the top of the stairs. Willa found their cups sitting at the bottom of the stairs and instead of just grabbing hers and drinking from it she grabbed his first. Of course he started whining about her having HIS milk, but she quickly (and without putting it in her mouth) turned around and brought it up the stairs to him with a huge grin and handed to him saying "Here E-I". Then went down and got hers and began to drink, after reminding Eli he needed to tell Willa thank you (which they are normally very good about anyway) I got to thinking.

Like I said at the beginning in Psalms 51:5 it talks about how we were shapen in iniquity, and in sin we were conceived. We are born sinful, it's in our nature true. We see this play out in our toddlers on a daily basis, they argue, fight, throw tantrums and disobey. But despite that we are daily reminded that even though we are all sinners we are still born with the natural instinct to love and be loved. We are BORN loving, we are not born selfish, hateful or racist. In Matthew 18:3 it talks about unless we become like children, we can not enter into heaven. I find that interesting, that while the bible is clear that we are born sinners that at the same time the kingdom of heaven belongs to the little children and those that are "like" them. It's speaking to the innocence of children and I believe it also speaks to the nature of children.

This couldn't be more clear then watching a baby turn and look for his/her mother shortly after birth. The baby already loves his/her mother. Baby has already bonded with mother in the womb, as the baby gets older he/she will smile, giggle and enjoy snuggling. Out of love a baby or child will seek comfort when scared, hurt or sick. Even as toddlers they already start to show compassion, love and selflessness.

Now I'm not saying we haven't worked hard with our kids to be polite, well behaved and so forth. We have worked hard (and are still working) to get them to say please and thank you every time, or to say excuse me when certain bodily functions happen. Even at the age of 2 (almost) Willa is expected (with help) to ask to be excused from the dinner table. That is our jobs as parents, however at such a young age they are already capable of being kind... On their own, sure we lead by example and try to teach them the best we can but the pure selflessness that I watched Willa display is not something that I have taught her. It's something I believe she (and all kids) were born with.

At this age it is imperative that we help cultivate such actions, instead of allowing Eli to just grab the cup out of her hand and push her away (which he didn't even try) I watched as he gently took the cup from her while I praised her for being so sweet and caring. Then I gently reminded Eli "Tell Willa Thank you" to which he quickly said "Thank you Willa". Praising and encouraging good behavior such as this and correcting the sinful behavior is important at this age and every age.

Of course this isn't the only time one of the kids has done something nice for someone or each other, I could tell you story after story of their acts of kindness. The fact that Eli always wants to make sure if he gets something special that Willa does too. Or the sharing of a toy, or handing Eli his sippy cup. Things like this happen daily in our lives.

In this day and age of selfishness, rudeness and entitlement it is refreshing to see such caring acts happen. We have a responsibility to continue to lead by example and to teach our kids to continue to be kind to others. Instead a lot of parents don't, so many parents teach kids to be selfish and rude. Today's society we teach them they are entitled to something for nothing and that is simply not true. Yes they are already sinners, but if we continue to lead them and encourage the good behavior then maybe our world can be turned around. We should be teaching our children to build one another up and not tear each other down.

It makes me think that if EVERY parent would cultivate this behavior in their children we wouldn't have the bullies, murders, hate, and conflicts of this world. Our children are our future, we need to put aside our own selfish desires (myself included) to help raise them to better society.

May one day this picture of love and peace will be a common every day sight in our world. This is a picture taken just a couple of weeks ago. Willa loves and adores her big brother and he her, this is true innocence and love. They at such a young age are showing me what the love of Christ is really like.

Things Continue to be crazy

We have seen God work so much for us this year... This year is far from over for us as we continue to have a crazy year. This year started out ok, family illnesses took a turn for the worse when Casey ended up with Pneumonia and what followed turned into an amazing time for our family.

I blogged about all of that, the fear of the unknown as we faced a tumor in Casey's lung, we dealt with it swiftly by allowing him to undergo surgery to remove the lower right lobe of his lung. In that time of recovery we saw God work in great ways. We became closer as a family, enjoying having Daddy home for several weeks especially when he wasn't in so much pain and was actually able to do more then just lay around the house with the exceptions of his several times a day walks. We witnessed first hand God's provision through family and church family. We were never hungry, we didn't miss any bills (we weren't even late in any of them), even when the car needed repair someone stepped up to help us with that.

Just as we were on the upswing we found out that now his right middle lobe had shut down completely and the only thing to do was to remove it as well. We dealt with this huge blow by clinging to each other and most of all God. By the time he went into surgery for the 2nd time we were completely at peace with the situation and totally trusting and praising God for taking care of our family. Again, God provided, people stepped up to help again and we made it through to the other side where we started seeing amazing things happen.

During the recovery of the 2nd tumor my photography blasted off! I ended up booking 4 weddings for Sept! They were all amazing weddings to be a part of! 2 weddings even allowed me to practice a skill I have been wanting to um for lack of a better word.... DEVELOP (haha). The results of those images turned out amazing and I was so happy to have gotten the chance to do them. During the busy month of Sept my car again started having issues. We had been talking about getting a minivan but when the health issues came up we put that on the back burner. Now my car was in trouble, the AC had gone out which was going to be expensive to fix. We could have waited till next year to address the issue of the car but it was going down hill fast. The shop we took it to told me it had some other issues and they didn't recommend trying to fix it if we planned on getting a new one in the near future. So after prayer and consideration we decided to look at a few minivans. We were blessed to have a family member that had connections with a dealer and he gave us a good trade for my car (way more then it was worth) and got us in the van with payments close to what we were comfortable with. God provides,

As we go into the fall season I was kinda bummed that my crazy booking of weddings hadn't kept up but that is probably a good thing as I have some stuff to catch up on! While weddings for Oct are so far none I have been blessed to book several family sessions, engagement session and some anniversary pictures (so excited about that one). So still God provides in other ways.

Last week Casey had a Dr's appointment to check and see what his lung function was now. They did a follow up CT scan where they learned he had some air built up around the right lung. His pulmonary Dr said he wasn't to worried about AIR, said it won't cause infection and he didn't think there was a leak in the airway. He told Casey they will do another CT scan in Dec to see what its doing. Yesterday Casey got a call from his surgeon who has been working with his pulmonary Dr and left a voice mail stating he wanted to talk about Casey's "options" this scared Casey so he didn't return the call. This morning his surgeon called me and I talked to him. He IS concerned about the air around his lung. He is concerned that it might mean there is a leak in the air way. He said we had 2 options, we could wait and do nothing and see if something bad presents itself (like Casey getting sick) or we could go in and have the air removed and see if there is a leak in the airway. That would require a cath to be put in and a couple of days in the hospital and then a couple of days at home recovering. He said that would be his first choice, I told him I would need to talk to Casey and see what he thinks (already knowing the answer). I called Casey and he said since Dr Burns wasn't worried about it he wanted to wait and see what happens. He has another CT schedule for Dec so he's going to wait. I agree with this decision, no need to go poking holes if there is nothing wrong. Dr Downey (surgeon) said to keep an eye on him. If he starts running a fever and having chills to call him or Dr Burns to make sure its not related to his lungs. So for now we wait and pray, we know God has a purpose for all of this. If he decides we need surgery again we will continue to trust & praise him knowing that he has a plan for our lives and we are in his hands. We have nothing to fear, we know God can, will and continues to provide for us. We are in HIS hands.

Our life in the fast lane.

Its been awhile since I posted last, Casey's second surgery & recovery went well. He has been back at work for several weeks and getting stronger by the day. During all this time I managed to fill up my entire Sept wedding calendar. I had blocked out the 15th to allow for Willa's birthday party but had booked the other 4 weekends. Its been a crazy last month and a half or so. Its now mid Sept and I have completed 2 of the 4 weddings for the month. For those who don't know this about me I'm a wedding photographer and I LOVE what I do.

At the last wedding there was an older lady there who kept talking to me at the reception, she told me that she could just tell that I LOVE what I'm doing. She said she was really impressed with my people skills and how my passion just glows as I work. She said she had watched me interact with the people at each table, typically at a wedding I go to every table and take pictures of all the guests at that table. Its a good way to kinda get to know some of the people there but also makes some nice pictures for the couple who might not have been able to make it to every table to say hi. She said the way I interacted with the people at the tables was impressive. She said she predicted I would go far in this industry. I sure hope so!

About 2wks ago my car started acting up, the AC was going in and out. Finally taking it to the shop to have it checked and it turns out the compressor had gone bad. It was going to cost close to $2,000 to fix it. They also noted that my car needed some other repair as well. The car had been a great car with no major issues the entire 8yrs I had owned it. I bought it brand new off the lot, anyway we knew we didn't want to put that much into the car because its really kinda small for our family. We're not pregnant but we figure if we have any more kids we would need a bigger car. So we discussed it in detail and finally decided we should go ahead and look into getting a mini van. We decided it would be wise to just go ahead and get a brand new one with the idea of it lasting a long time. We called up my Aunt who used to work for a Dodge Dealership and asked her if she could pull some strings. So she did, :) They gave me more for my car trade then it was worth cause we are "family". So we ended up with a 2012 Dodge Grand Caravan. Its a pretty bright red, Eli (and mommy and daddy) has fallen in love with this thing. While we were looking at it he was playing it it, just going from front to back and front to back and getting in the drivers seat and giggling. We have excellent credit so we were offered a low rate with payments we can swing (although it will be tight). We said we wanted to think it over and pray about it. We discussed it a lot that night and both of us prayed about it, I was fine with it either way. Casey woke up the next morning (Sunday) and said he felt like it was a wise choice so on Monday we went and picked it up.

Pulling out of our driveway in my little car for the last time I was kinda sad, this car had been through a lot with me. When I got it I was single and driving younger siblings to and from Columbia MO (2hrs) every other weekend to visit our dad. I got it so that it could hold 4 growing pre-teen/teen siblings and all their bags for the weekend. I also knew that I Planned on keeping the car for possibly 10yrs (I got close!) and hoped in that time that I would meet someone, fall in love, get married and have at least 1 child. So I didn't want a car that would be to small for a child's car seat.... I know I know that thought was pretty mature huh? Yeah I know I'm so glad I thought that through, I mean how many people in their early 20's think like that? This car had also carted my dogs to and from the dog park, gotten me places safely in severe snowy weather (far better then most small cars would do). The car was easy to find an any parking lot due to its bright yellow color. Its the car I drove when I met my husband for our first date after emailing with him online (we met on a dating website) and told him to be watching for a yellow car. Its the car my husband was able to find in my apartment complex even though I hadn't told him exactly which unit was mine. Its the car that safely brought home our first born child (A son) and our 2nd child (a daughter). Its the car that kept us safe when we were rear ended just a few months after our 2nd was born. I surely will miss that car, but time to move on.

Our new van is so pretty, have I mentioned its red yet? Which is just perfect because my husbands truck & motorcycle are also red! We also have a lot of red stuff in our kitchen (drain tray, kitchen aid, can opener, toaster etc etc). So now everything matches and if you know me really well I'm all about things matching.... No seriously I am! The van is roomy and has a lot of pick up, we have the stow and go seating which is nice. We did learn that its much larger then we originally thought as it was a tighter fit to get into the garage then we thought at first. No worries though, a bit of re-arranging and now it fits perfectly. I got to drive it around a little today and it handles about the same as my little car did just much bigger. Yep I think I'm in love.

So that's the update for now on us. We are all doing well and I hope we stay that way the rest of this year. No more sickness please!

God continues to provide.

I have been crazy busy, which is why there has be no recent update... In fact I just looked over my last post and it was from the day of his surgery. No updates since then! Wow I'm so behind!

So as I had reported his surgery went well, when I got to see him shortly after he looked about 1000 times better right after the surgery then he did the first time. He was however complaining of pain a lot more and said it seemed worse. I personally think he just doesn't remember it that bad cause the first day or so he was so in and out of it he probably just doesn't remember.

In the last post I had talked about how I had gotten a call from a bride wanting to meet with me to discuss doing her wedding photography. I had mentioned how it seemed like God was sending us encouragement and how I'd been getting discouraged about the lack of business I'd been able to drum up thus far this year. So I scheduled the meeting with this bride to go over my portfolio and her special day for the day after Casey's surgery. I met with the lovely bride and her groom and by the time I left I had booked my first wedding of 2013! I was SO excited! But my business stuff doesn't end there! Oh no no no.

Casey seemed to recover much quicker this time, by Sat morning his bleeding had slowed down a lot already and they were talking about possibly removing the chest tubes on Sun. Mon morning he called me and told me they were about to release him so to get the kids ready and come pick him up. This was much sooner then last time! He said after they did the chest x-ray the Dr said it looked really good and he was very happy with how it looked. Last time he had said that there was something he wasn't to thrilled about but he thought it would resolve on its on. Clearly it didn't because we ended up back there.

So all this is going on and Casey is trying to heal, its been CRAZY hot out but our house isn't really big enough for him to get some good walking in unless he goes outside. A few days before we found out the news that Casey would need to have the 2nd surgery we had decided to go to the Great Mall here in Olathe and walk around there. It would be a good way to get out of the house as we are all feeling cabin fever as well as get Casey his walking in. I had decided to take some of my post cards and business cards and maybe try to do a bit of networking at some of the places there. I got shot down at the first 2 places I tried but the 3rd place turned out better then I could have hoped. Its a candy shop, you know kinda like how Mr Bulky's used to be? Where you can go in and get all these different candies and put them in a bag and pay per oz. When I said I was going to go in there Casey was like "Ok why?" I said "I don't know, maybe they do the custom wrappers or something like that, can't hurt to ask right?" So I go in and Yes they do custom wrappers, they also do candy buffets at special events. They can order the candy of choice in your color and set it up and display it nicely etc. So I start talking about networking with them and maybe we can give out each other's info to clients we come in contact with. She LOVED that idea, so I gave her some of my stuff on weddings and such and some cards and take some of her info and cards. I am starting a packet of vendors I get to know and recommend so I can give them to the brides to kinda help them out with their planning.

The next day I think it was we find out about the 2nd surgery, then the day before his surgery is the day we go to the church to talk to pastor. On the way to the car I get that call from that bride and we schedule to meet. On the way home I get a call from the lady with the Candy store. She tells me she wants to host a Brides Night out event, where 2012 brides can come and just kinda relax and have a fun evening free of charge all the bridal shows that are all the rage right now cost to get into. We discuss having a few (very few) vendors on hand to offer prizes and have SMALL displays. This whole event is still being planned but we have finally gotten the date secured as well as a few vendors. All of us vendors are small time vendors, not vendors that have a TON of money for advertising and such. We are excited about doing this, maybe connecting with some brides and getting some more business. This has been something that has kept me busy for the last 2 weeks.

So all this is going on, Casey is doing better and is home. We are back to the point of he can't lift anything for 2 weeks so he can't help with the kids really other then to keep an eye on them and let me know if I need to drop everything I'm doing in another room and come running. Among all this going on Willa has what was supposed to be her 9mo well baby check up (at 10mo old). I get the kids packed into the car and I am driving to Tonganoxie where the kids Dr is which is a 45min drive. I get a phone call, its from a wonderful lady with a coupon company that right before all this started I had talked to about MAYBE advertising with them. That was quickly scratched when we found out Casey did in fact have a tumor and needed surgery. I had told her we weren't going to be able to do it this year and she had understood. So she calls me out of the blue on Thurs and says that she has some other idea's for us for advertising with them. After I tell her Casey had to have surgery yet a 2nd time and there is NO money period she comes up with a solution. She told me she would have to present it to the owner and get the final approval but it might work. She said they are wanting to host a give away on their site for things, if I would offer up 5 photo sessions to give to people who win them they would allow me to run an ad with them free of charge! We agree on 5 senior sessions because the end of summer is coming up quick and that would be a great way to boost my business. The way this company works is you pay for a "zone" each "zone" has 10,000 houses in it, they mail out a packet of coupons every month. So I would have a coupon in their packet going to 10,000 homes in the zone of my choice. So I sign the agreement and send it on to them, I get an e-mail today stating that the owner HAS approved this deal! Are you serious???? I can't believe this! They will be doing this for me for free and all I have to give is 5 senior sessions. Psh so easy! Plus it gives me MORE exposure (pun intended), Oh yeah did I mention that we live right down the street from a high school? So guess which "zone" I choose to run the ad in? LOL Hopefully it works out! I would LOVE to be able to continue to run specials with them a few times a year. :)

So all this is going on and I have something else about ready to roll out too in order to drum up more clients. I can't say what yet because it would spoil it. But I've been a busy little bee lately! I see potential for things to get VERY busy around here!

OH and not to forget that while Casey was in the hospital I had gotten a lead from Thumbtack, thumbtack will allow you to put in what type of job you need done and it will send the lead to their vendors. So say this gal needs a wedding photographer, they put in a request on Thumbtack and they will send the lead to photographers in the area. To submit a quote you have to pay the lead fee which varies depending on the persons budget for the job. So I got a lead for a wedding photographer, this lead cost more then most because this couple has a higher budget. If you submit a quote and don't hear back from the client for 7 days they will give you a refund if you request it. So I do a lot of submitting quotes and then asking for refunds because I never hear back. This one however I DID hear back! I've been talking to her over the last week both in e-mail and over the phone and Monday I have a meeting with her! So while we have not yet secured the wedding its a very promising thing that we are getting to meet with this bride! She is excited to meet with us, after probably 30 or so leads that have never panned out I might have finally gotten one that does! Not only that but thumbtack is how the other bride had found me too! She had just called me directly instead of asking for quotes from multiple photographers.

I'm so very excited that thumbtack is starting to work out for us! Not bad for a free website!

So another long post but to summarize, Casey is doing very well.... He is getting up and around more and more. Today he complained of pain a little more then the last few days but he has been trying to do things like help clean the house (I haven't been feeling to good myself the last couple of days) so I think that might have to do with it. We have seen God providing so much over these last few weeks and not just for this very trying time in our lives but also for the future with the promise of at least 1 wedding booked for my photography. We have truly been blessed and continue to praise God!

Praising no matter the outcome.

Today Casey had his second surgery to remove his middle right lobe of his lung. We had told a few people this (but not many) but two nights ago Casey started hearing crackling noises when he would take a deep breath. He started doing some major deep breathing cause he thought maybe it was that lobe trying to expand like it should. After about 5min of deep breathing he started coughing up some gunk and even had some dried blood in the gunk.

We had also talked a lot about this latest development that at first had us a little down, and also discussed some things we both felt God placing on our hearts. We felt encouraged and decided the next day we would try to make it to church to talk to pastor about it.

Thurs we headed over to the church, we had called first and knew Pastor would be there. We went in and started talking to him. Discussed some things God had laid on our hearts, we felt like God was challenging us to do more for HIM and wanted to talk to pastor about it. We also wanted to tell Pastor about what Casey's fathers family was going through. Last Sun his uncle (Dad's brother) had gone into the hospital for complications with cancer he'd been battling. He was told he only had a few hours left to live, Casey's father right away jumped on his motorcycle and headed to the hospital in KS to visit him one last time. Casey's father lives on the MO side, for those not into motorcycles there is a helmet law in MO but not KS.... I think this possibly saved Keith from at least a serious head injury or worse (I haven't confirmed he had a helmet on but I strongly believe he DID due to no injuries in that area). Anyway, normally Keith pulls over and removes his helmet as soon as he gets into KS. I'm guessing in his hurry to get to his dying brothers side he didn't do that. Anyway, while on the highway a coyote dashed out in front of him and he hit it going rather fast. It caused the bike to fall to its side and skid across the highway. Keith ended up laying in the middle of 3 lanes of traffic and his bike in the median. He suffered a broken hand and wrist and arm as well as serious road rash and I believe a dislocated shoulder. He refused to be taken by ambulance to the ER and instead had his girlfriend pick him up and drive him to his brothers bed side where he did get there in time to say good bye before going on down to the ER. His brother passed away the next day (Monday).

Tues we learned Casey would need the 2nd surgery, we were a little stunned and depressed over the news. We neglected to call Keith right away, looking back now I think that was probably best because it might have been to much for him. Weds evening Keith called to tell us his brother had died, before he told Casey he asked how Casey was doing and Casey gave him the update. I wasn't on the phone with him and in fact Casey was in another room. As soon as Casey told him I could almost feel the breath leave Keith, I can't explain the feeling I had but I knew somehow that Keith was really struggling. I felt so bad for him, I knew this news was another bad blow to a really bad week. The funeral was last night to be last night (Thurs).

So we were talking to Pastor, we told him about Casey coughing up the gunk after telling him about Casey's father. Pastor thought that was interesting news and said we would pray and that this was not out of God's reach at all! We had a good long time of prayer with Pastor and another member from church who was there. I holding Willa, Eli entertained himself well by pulling 1 book at a time from pastors bookshelves and looking at it and then putting it back before pulling another one (ok I might have peeked a couple times to make sure he wasn't getting into anything). After prayer we discussed what was on our hearts and what God had placed on our hearts the night before. We told Pastor we are no longer saying we will "TRY" to follow through but we "WILL" follow through. What ever happened today we would praise God.

As we were getting the kids buckled into the car to leave I get a phone call. Some of you may know how I have been really struggling to get business for my photography. I've had portrait sessions but no weddings this year and I've gotten a little discouraged about it at times. So I answer my phone (it was a number I didn't know) and a young lady says "I would like to know what you charge for wedding photography?" I was so excited I started stuttering! After composing myself I asked her how she had heard about us and she said she had found us on google. Ok here's the thing, I've tried googling several phrases for wedding photography etc and I can't get us to pop up! So of God! She had gotten to my vendor profile I have on thumbtack.com (google it if you want to know what it is, but its a cool website). It doesn't list my prices but it does have some pictures up there and my phone number. I started talking to her about her budget, after a short converation we agreed to meet on Sat July 14. I am praying that this job works out for us, it won't be till next year but at least it would be SOMETHING! What amazed me was it seemed like as soon as we said we WILL do what God places on our hearts, (Don't get me wrong we weren't fighting anything, we had just not communicated that we were feeling the same things) he in return was like "See? I WANT to bless you!" I was so overwhelmed I almost cried. Even if the job doesn't work out I feel like it was encouragement from God.

So Casey went to his uncle funeral a few hours later where he said he was glad he was there for his father. Said he was taking it kinda hard. He came home and we enjoyed some time together while the kids were sleeping. We both felt very peaceful about today's upcoming surgery.

We woke up bright and early this morning and arrived at the hospital around 8:45am, they took him back to prep but we ended up waiting in the room without anyone coming in till after pastor arrived sometime around 9:30. He spent some time with us and prayed and then left. We again talked about the rattling in his chest and the gunk he'd been spitting up. We were hopeful that the Dr would go in with the scope before the surgery and find it open and clear. Finally they came back to get Casey (even though they hadn't done all the prep they had done before) that confused us and they said they were moving him closer to the OR where they would finish his prep but they wouldn't let me go with him. That was around 11am, the surgery was supposed to start at 11:45 and I waited with baited breath hoping the Dr would come out in just a few minutes and tell us he wouldn't need to do the surgery.

Around 12:45 a nurse comes out and finds me, my heart skips a beat. Could it be? She sits down next to me and explains they forgot to have Casey sign a blood transfusion list and they needed that signed in case he needed a transfusion. I asked her if they had started the surgery yet and she said she didn't know. They had called her from the OR to tell her to get it signed. I didn't hear anything again till 3pm.

Finally the Dr comes out at 3 and talks to me. You could tell he wasn't really happy with things, he asked if I was alone this time (talk about heart stopping) as I said yes. He goes "Ok well he's done with the surgery and he did well." So from what he told me when he had done the scope before the surgery he discovered that the right middle lobe was now completely sealed off (it did have a SMALL opening before). He said that lobe was no longer functioning at all. He said he had hoped he wouldn't have to actually CUT but he had no choice but to go in again the same way he did before. He said he went in the same incision and there was nothing he could do besides remove that lobe. He said if we hadn't done that Casey could have gotten VERY sick VERY quickly and it would have been VERY hard for him to recover if he ever did fully recover. He stressed the VERY sick several times. He had a very appologetic look on his face and he said he was so sorry he knew this wasn't what any of us expected and he doesn't understand why it happened. He said out of years and HUNDREDS of surgeries he has NEVER seen this before. He has no clue what caused it and said we would never know. He said it could be that a blood clot got stuck and blocked an artery there causing it but he doesn't know for sure. Regardless, Casey had done well in the surgery and would be recovering and then taken to his room in a couple of hours. He said that this SHOULD be the end of this and hopefully in a few weeks Casey will be ready to get back to work like he has been gunning to. I told the Dr that we KNEW he did everything he could, and we trusted him completely. I told him I knew that he only removed it because he felt it was the best thing for Casey. I told him we understand and we know it had NOTHING to do with him, these things just happen and no one was to blame. I thanked him for being on top of it the whole time and at the same time giving it time to heal on its own before just jumping into surgery a second time. He thanked me and headed out and I went back to waiting.

Finally around 5 I was told I could go up to his floor and I would be allowed to see him shortly. Finally I arrived on his floor and stopped at the nurses station to make sure it was ok to go in. She said "Yes" and I headed down the hall to his room. As soon as I got to the door he goes "Hey Babe!" Woa a LONG ways from last surgery when he had looked at me and about cried at the sight of me. He was with it a lot more this time, we talked and he didn't fall asleep on me. He was complaining of some pain, he told me that this time they kept him awake while they put in the epidural, he said he can't believe I've had that twice with both kids. Haha He also had a pick line in his chest and said they had him awake when they put that in too. He said it HURT, they also kept him awake when they put in the cath, poor guy. Apparently his Dr wanted to talk to him while he was able to understand so they had decided to finish the prep with him awake. Nice huh? The nurse heard him say he was awake when they did the pick line and she was like "You were awake for that??????????" So encouraging! Ha But he looked 1000 times better this time around then last time.

I finally came home for a little bit and told him I'd be back when the next baby sitter got here, but I needed to get home and see my kids 1 of whom was still in bed when we left and I hadn't seen her at all yet today. I came home, got some dinner and did some things for the studio. The next baby sitter arrived and I finished my work and went to see him where I was able to spend about an hour there. He was looking even better, he had been able to eat some jello and was complaining of being hungry! You know a man is on the mend when he's complaining about being hungry! :D The nurse mentioned they might try to get him up to walk tonight and he was like "Please do! I want to go ahead and go home! I think I can go to work tomorrow!" I was like "DON'T YOU DARE! If you cause yourself more damage and kill your self I WILL come and get you and bring you back.... Then I will kill you myself!" The nurse just kinda laughed.

So we're on the mend again! We're hoping he'll be out in a couple of days this time instead of 5 days. We believe this is the end of it! Several people have told me how strong I've been through all this and how encouraging it has been to them. I don't feel like I've been any stronger then any other woman out there, yes its been hard. Yes there have been tears, some days a lot of tears. But my strength has come from God first, family and church family second. None of my strength has been mine alone. I have been supported by so many people. We all have, we love and thank everyone for their prayers, meals, time (baby sitting), groceries, gift cards and even gifts of cash. Without the support of God and others we would not have been able to survive this. This is God's victory! Not ours, to him be all praise.

Woah this ended up a really long post (sorry about that). Since its so long, I'm not going to proof read it... Sorry for any spelling or grammar errors. If you feel the need to correct it just remember this was typed up after a VERY long day at the hospital late at night before I go to bed. I just wanted to let everyone know how much we love and appreciate them. :)

I will praise you in this storm....

2 Corinthians 4:16-18  So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,  as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Casey had his follow-up today at his surgeons office in regards to his lung swelling. We were expecting to hear that the swelling had gone down. For in fact it seemed Casey was able to breathe easier and we felt really confident in how things are going. He has been getting stronger and had said he wanted to try returning to work next week.

So that being said, I didn't go with him as we didn't have a sitter. So the word from the surgeon is that the swelling has not gone down. He said at this point its highly unlikely the swelling will go down now, he said Casey is not using that part of the lung now anyway due to the swelling.

This is a diagram of the lungs, the left you can see has 2 sections or what they call them Lobes. That side is fine. The right side you can see has 3, an upper, middle and lower lobe. The tumor had been in his lower lobe. So that lobe was removed. There is a line drawn where it was removed, the swelling is in what was the middle lobe that is now the lower lobe. The writing says "blocked" and its pointing to the area that is blocked. The surgeon said that since the swelling is unlikely to go down now (he has been taking prednizone to try and reduce the swelling) the only option is to go ahead and remove that lobe now as well. He said that if we don't remove it Casey could get pneumonia again or even worse infections that could end up life threatening. This is what Casey told me with tears in his eyes when he got home. Now I wished I'd been at that appointment as I right away had questions. Questions he said he was too stunned to think to ask himself.

So Casey called the surgeons office and said we had some questions and the Dr called him back within an hour to answer any questions we had. Casey had said that the Dr had mentioned his lung function would be about what it is now. Which concerned us a little as we know he's not at full lung function at this time. So here are the questions I asked Dr Downey when he called us back.

Q. Will his lung function really only be about what it is now?

A. No, what he said was that it won't be any worse then what it is now. He said that Casey is still in the recovery phase from his last surgery and isn't back to full lung function yet. Casey should still regain 100% what he had before all this began.

Q. Will it hinder his ability to work normally in his very physical trade job as an electrician?

A. After his full recovery, no it shouldn't hinder his being able to lead a normal healthy life and maintain his job.

Q. What is the recovery expected to be like this time around? (He had said it would be a tad easier)

A. Since he already has the incision in that area then it should actually be easier for him to recover the 2nd time around. He should be in less pain and for a shorter amount of time. He should expect to be in the hospital 2 to 3 days after his surgery and then off work for another 3 weeks or so.

Q. Will there be chest tubes placed again?

A. Yes, every time there is a surgery of this manner there are chest tubes placed.

Q. Will you do another Bronchcoscopy before the surgery again just to make sure the swelling hasn't gone down?

A. Yes, I will take a look at the lung again just before making the cut.

Dr Downey also told Casey that the sooner they do this surgery the better, they will go in the same place they did before. Using the same incision, he said its easier that way and the sooner the better. If they try and wait to do it then the risk of infection is higher but also the area will harden as it heals (and I imagine scar tissue could build up) and make it near impossible to get to it that way. So we have surgery scheduled for Fri. I don't know what time we need to be there yet. The surgery is supposed to start at 12:30pm, so we are sure we'll need to be there at least at 10am for prep.

We have truly been blessed by everyone's kindness and prayers. It has been overwhelming at times (in a good way), we only hope that we can at some point be able to bless others the way we have been blessed. I know people are going to want to know what they can do to help. At this point I think our biggest need will be someone to watch the kids on Fri. I can have my mother in law do it again, but I am concerned that she might be a bit too emotional. She was pretty emotional when Casey told her the update. She will probably like having the distraction of the kids that day. But the last surgery there were a couple times she called me in tears and was extremely worried about Casey. So if there is anyone that wants to come watch the kids for the day. Last surgery started at 1pm we had to be there at 10am and I didn't get home till after 7pm. It would be a LONG day for sure. So that right now is our biggest need, I am going to talk to my mother in law to verify. She might really want to come watch the kids that day for the distraction. If that's the case I'll let her do it.

So in closing, it looks like we will get to enjoy having Daddy around the house for another few more weeks once he's home from the hospital. Which is a positive thing. The kids love their Daddy and we have enjoyed our time together as he's gotten stronger.