Confessions of a weary mother

This blog is meant for me to have a way to keep people updated on all things our family. I've also found it helps me to get out some of my feelings which are normally are just happy and how blessed I feel. Don't get me wrong I am VERY happy and I am so Blessed. I'm just tired, I often feel overwhelmed. About once a week I have a break down moment. A just cry and cry moment, normally its due to being exhausted like last nights. I So badly wanted Willa to go to bed BEFORE midnight. Instead she stayed awake till almost 1, I am trying to teach her to self soothe but at night I really can't just let her cry it out for 2 reasons. Casey and Eli, Casey has to get up and go to work in the morning. If Eli is awakened by Willa then I'll have 2 kids to try and take care of in the middle of the night.

I LOVE my kids, I can't imagine life without them, it just gets a little overwhelming at times. At night when I can't get Willa to fall asleep all I do is sit in her room staring at the wall across from me. I'm really starting to hate that carousel horse! (not really). Its also been hard because just like Eli was Willa wants attention ALL the time. She wants to be held and played with, Eli is to young to really help with that although he so badly wants to hold her! She however is way more vocal about it. She will sometimes flat out SCREAM! It doesn't help that for the last week I've had a bad headache that won't go away and I can't take any of my GOOD drugs for it. I've also taken my maximum amount of doses of Tylenol in a week time. My neurologist said when I have a headache like this taking more then 3 doses in a weeks time of Tylenol will actually make it worse because when the Tylenol wears off the headache will rebound and be worse. So with the headache like that I don't WANT a screaming baby. I told Casey last night I feel like such a terrible mother, I can't play with Eli like I used to as much, and I feel bad for feeling tired of holding Willa all the time. Shouldn't a mother WANT to hold her baby all the time? Its not that I mind holding her its just I can't do much of anything when I am. I feel like a bad mother because the house is filthy (Casey says its not). There are so many things I need to do but I'm lucky if I can get 10min of Willa being content not to be held.

Like I said, about 1 day a week I have this feeling completely overwhelmed. Last week I seemed to be doing really good, Tues I had a minor overwhelmed feeling that went away in about 15min then the rest of the week was great! It seemed Willa was getting on some sort of sleeping routine and I was actually getting enough sleep. This week however has just been horrible, I will be glad when its over!

The good news is Casey will stop and get dinner on the way home tonight so I don't have to fix dinner. Then he is going to watch the babies so I can go lay and just get some much needed sleep and alone time. I have a great husband who is so supportive! I can't imagine how single parents do it!