Our Willa Hope

"Your grace is sufficient for me

Your strength is made perfect
When I am weak
All that I cling to I lay at Your feet"

Its been a week since our little Willa Hope was forced to be born early at 36wks and 1 day, due to low fluid which could have caused some major problems if not death.
She had under developed lungs, she had problems breathing at first and had some fluid on her lungs. She also wasn't digesting well at first. Ever since this whole thing started I've been peaceful about everything, even when they first told me the fluid was low and we needed to go to the hospital to decide what to do. Originally she was supposed to be in the NICU unit for 4hrs after born just standard care procedures. But her problems meant she would have to be in longer.


Over the course of this whole thing I keep remembering the verse "Your Grace is Sufficiant for me" the lyrics above are from a song by Shane and Shane. For the most part I've been upbeat, for me the hardest part came when I was discharged from the hospital on Sat. I had gotten use to being able to just slowly make my way up 1 floor from my room to visit my little girl as long as I wanted every couple of hours. When I left on Sat I felt like I was abandoning her. It worried me that SHE might think I had abandoned her, what if she cried and no one picked her up? But on the other hand I was ready to be home, I missed Eli and Casey so much and I REALLY needed some time to sleep without nurses and staff coming in at all hours of the day or night. Sun morning I was to tired to get up early to go visit her and I felt terrible, I felt like a bad parent. But I knew that I wasn't, I went to visit after taking a little class on bringing home a premie. After the class I was able to go visit her.

Shortly after feeding her I went into the parents room there to wash the pumping equipment and there was another lady in there. We got to talking, her son has been in the NICU for 2 1/2mo due to being born at just 25wks. She was so sweet and started offering advice to me about how to coup with a baby being in the NICU. She told me not to worry if I couldn't make it to the hospital several times a day, the nurses understand and I am NOT being a bad parent. She said to just make sure I CALL a couple times to check on her. She said believe it or not some people never go and never call to check on the baby and the nurses actually have to call them to update them. Thats so sad! She also told me not to worry about feeling like I was abandoning my baby because I wasn't. Its like she knew my fears without me even verbalizing them to her. Made me feel much better.

Its been work to re adjust our schedule to be able to visit her twice a day. My goal has been to be there at least twice a day for feedings so she can get used to breast feeding. She's done very well with it considering she gets more bottles then she does breast fed! I have come to realize while doing this that maybe the problems I had with Eli not being able to latch on and nurse could have been God's way of preparing us for having the next  child in the NICU. See with Eli I refused to just give up and give him formula, I used my Aunt's breast pump and would pump and then feed him a bottle of breast milk. With this pregnancy we decided to buy our own pump as my Aunt was also pregnant and would be needing hers. We went ahead and got one just in case Willa couldn't latch on. If we hadn't had that problem with Eli I wouldn't have been prepared with the pump and it could have delayed the milk coming in or made it near impossible to nurse her period. With my having my own pump I was able to pump within hours of her being born and pump every 3hrs. I could have used hospital pumps but they said they were busy and had several moms using them and didn't know if I could have used their pumps every 3hrs. So since I had my own I just used it instead. :)

So today is Thurs Sept 15 and Willa is already a week old. Hard to imagine! Since she's been admitted we have seen improvement nearly every day. Sat she didn't do as well and actually went backwards a little, she had to be back on oxygen for the day. Sat night our Pastor came and prayed over her, meant so much to us. Almost as soon as he left it seemed she started doing better. The nurse came in and was looking at her and said she though Willa was about to turn a corner. She was right, Sun I was able to nurse her for the first time and she just seems to be doing better and better every day.

Yesterday I got a surprise when I walked into her little "room" and saw that she had been removed from her isolet (warmer). I about cried! Then the nurse said she had removed the feeding tube and her IV. She said the Dr had been to visit her that morning and said they needed to get her home! Said if she can just take a little more milk then what she had been during feedings she would be cleared to go home! They told me to make an appointment with her Dr for Monday because she would either be coming home on Fri or Sat depending on how quickly she ups her eating.

Last night we get to the hospital and as we're in the parking lot I get a call from the hospital that they knew I was going to try and be there for her 8pm feeding but she had started taking more and going 4hrs instead of 3 so now her next feeding wouldn't be till 10pm unless she woke up early and was hungry. They felt bad that we had arrived so early but I was glad she was doing better! They said she is eating really well and its holding her over to the 4hr mark which hey if I can go 4hr between feedings at night AWESOME!

Today I called and they said she was doing well, that they were going to do her car seat and hearing tests today which is the beginning of discharge. :)

Over all of this I'm so thankful to have so many people praying for us. Not just for Willa to recover but for our family to be able to handle the emotions that go with this sort of thing. We have been doing pretty well, Casey and I have discussed how we're feeling about everything almost every night which has helped. We have prayed a lot and just really trusted God for everything. We see this as part of Gods plan for our lives and while we may not see what the purpose is right now he DOES have a purpose for all this. Whatever it is we trust him completely. :)